April 2011 Asylum Mobilitarium
Harley-Davidson and motorcycle culture 101. Yes, there is etiquette involved in the two wheel world. Never ever sit on another person’s Harley unless you ask them first. Unless you are Jennifer Anniston. Then do as you want.
Don’t ever criticize another rider’s bike, compliment only. Someday you may need that person when you’re broke down. Always nod knowingly and act interested when viewing another rider’s cell phone pictures of a putt to Mansfield. Flip flops are not to be worn on a Harley. Some other brands they are expected, so take note. If you are recently divorced and it’s 103 degrees, try not to succumb to wearing shorts. At Duke’s it’s okay, at Strokers you will be stared at.
Don’t brag on your riding skills, it may come back to haunt you. Except if you can do a killer u-turn with someone on the back. It doesn’t hurt to wave, even if it’s a Brand X rider.
Friends are rare after a long motorcycle trip.
A “Harley” was once a term to also describe a juvenile delinquent. Really! Hydra Glides were introduced in 1949. The Duo-Glide in 1957. Sparkling America was actually a paint choice on the 1971 Super Glide. The “Bat Wing” fairing is the 40 year old thing on the front of Electra-Glides.
Pipes are just that, not mufflers! A “heavy weight” is the motorcycle market that Harley dominates. AMA is a lobbying group for all us biker types to join and contribute. The Shovelhead came out in 1965, which begat the Evolution engine which saved Harley in the eighties. We now have the Twin Cam and its close cousin, the Revolution.
Patches. Harley folk are passionate about their vests and things to hang on ‘em. One of the first that new riders sew on is the famous DILLIGAF. It’s the patch of choice for the newly minted, unsure rider who is trying to fit it. It has always been a question in my mind what does a rider who has a 30k toy, DILLIGAF about? Making money? Friends, family? This country? To have such a toy, he or she must care about their job to afford such a machine. Chances are they did not tell their boss that this morning. DILLIGAFing your job means no Harley-Davidson.
Another one that is quickly sewn on is “Loud Pipes Save Lives.” That has never been proven but does it matter? Blue hairs can’t hear anyway, ghetto cruiser Honda’s have their own single obnoxious pipe with the white guy rap blasting. Madison is texting her BFF about Brad breaking up with her and has no clue what lane she is in.
Related to DILLIGAF is FTW. What’s funny is the patch wearer on the 30k Harley probably is Joe Suburbia who lives in Plastic Plano, Frisco, Richardson, and has three kids and a Killer Mommy Van. He’s got it pretty good! What exact part of the world does he want to…well you know. It’s laughable. There are some riders who can get away with wearing this patch. They are probably not HOG members. And, if you live in south or west Dallas, yes wear it please. I would too.
Helmet Laws Suck. Really popular with the weekend warrior. It also can be a bumper sticker which may be the last thing a rider sees when he crashes into the back of a KMV and says “Oh S*%$!” Keep staring at the sticker as you are loaded up into an ambulance, all the while the driver of the KMV you hit is yelling at you for making him or her late for their kid’s soccer game.
Rideius Interuptous-a wreck. Donwanna Rideious Nextoous- a rider you don’t want to ride next to.
Seeing The Elephant- a term to describe the Civil War battle experience and the inevitable bike accident.
Asylum Mobilitarium-All things in the Cosmos related to and caused by the two wheeled culture, its machines, and personalities.
I was asked recently by a female type, “Willie Hank how does one act like a been riding for years, uninterested in it all gal while at Strokers, or any other biker hangout?”
Okay, this is from the source, sort of. First stay in clumps with other ladies, only glancing around when no one is looking. The rest of the time, act like you’re hot and have long, frequent conversations with a “mystery caller” on your cell phone.
If you do look around, yawn, then put on your best bored look and ignore all the great unwashed trying to get your attention. In doing the bored, scanning the crowd thing, do this; Turn, hair toss, laugh at some lame unspoken joke, turn back. Turn, hair toss, laugh, turn back. Repeat until the Brad Savage of your dreams comes up to take you to Southlake girl!
Freddie Mercury said, “Get on your bikes and ride!”
Willie Hank
Youths Gone Astray 1955
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